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Nick, Olivia, Emily, Mat, Harry, Jen, Kevin, Quyen, Hannah, Arik

A Brief History of the Duncan, Part 1

It all began long ago in southern Cumberland. The local government, consisting of a dual democracy and animal-farm-esque-commune system, had just legalized both homosexual marriage, and medical marijuana. During this brief period of immense gaiety, three young women decided to marry and adopt a son. These women were called the witches, although nobody knew why because at the time they were immensely attractive and polite. They decided to name their son a combination of their names, and came up with Duncan. They raised him to always use tablemanners, and that he should always trust whoever's house he's sleeping in. He had an identical twin brother, named Steve, who inherited some of his mothers magical powers. All Duncan ever inherited was their neverending joy, as well as an allergy to peanuts.

Many years later...
Duncans identical twin brother got this woman from Glamis knocked up, and due to the strict laws regarding child custody, had to stay with his daughter until she was 8. This gave her enough time to recognize him, but not well enough to correctly identify his twin brother, Duncan, many years later as she was standing over his recently-stabbed body. Duncan was walking home one day, when he came upon a man wearing a crown. the man said, "i hate being king". And Duncan said, "Ooooh, lemme be king. Please, pleeeeaaasee" And so it happend that Duncan was crowned king of Scotland. However, he did not correctly fill out his 'destiny paperwork', and so instead of going and proudly conquering and unifying Europe and ushering in a golden age of neverending peace, he was slaughtered in Macbeths castle at the age of 37.

1 comment:

  1. Was it Steve perchance? ...Steve
    I love how my father, who is mentioned in only one line of the play, has become such a major character in the bios. Though we'll have to figure out whether he actually did leave when I was 8, and if so, who took his place...hmmm.